The Mummy McMumface Guide to… Supporting a Breastfeeding Mother

This isn’t a post about why women should breastfeed.
It’s about the mums who have decided that they do want to breastfeed their babies and what we can do to help them do that.
According to the last infant feeding survey (all the way back in 2010, as the government pulled funding 🙄), 64% of mothers initiated Breastfeeding in NI. By 6 weeks, 13% were exclusively breastfeeding.
That is some drop.
Although we have the lowest rates in the U.K. (and, indeed, amongst the lowest in the world), the fact that there is such a massive drop in the first 6 weeks says to me that there are a lot of mothers out there who want to breastfeed but something is happening that means they are either stopping, or moving to partial breastfeeding.
What is it?
The first 6 weeks are definitely challenging- it’s a new experience (no matter how many babies you have had, you haven’t had- or fed- this baby before!), you’re tired, your supply is establishing… so what can make a difference?
I think it’s support.
The obvious support is that which mums will get from healthcare professionals (HCP’s) that they encounter during pregnancy and the postnatal period. We’ll leave that can of worms closed til another time…
The support that I wanted to touch on here is the support of family and friends. This is invaluable generally when we become mothers but I think sometimes the society we live in makes it difficult for people to know how to really support their daughter, sister, friend, partner who is breastfeeding.
Often, well-intentioned efforts at support actually end up sabotaging the mother’s breastfeeding journey.
Why?
Bottle feeding has become the norm. Anyone being able to feed the baby, the feeding and sleeping patterns of formula fed infants are what people are used to. This leads to ‘get them on a bottle’ being touted as the answer to perceived difficulties, as breastfed babies behave differently.
Yes, mummy is tired.
Yes, her nipples probably hurt in ways she had never contemplated (note- I don’t want to be off-putting but look, your boobs haven’t done this before. If you start going to the gym, your muscles will hurt! So some discomfort is to be expected. However, if entire feeds are spent with you gritting your teeth, you need help adjusting your latch. This *isn’t* normal. It *is* fixable!!)
When we see someone in this situation, I understand it is a natural reaction to want to help, but giving a bottle is not the answer.
This mum has decided to breastfeed her baby.
Feeding formula is one less feed at the breast and milk production works on supply and demand- the more milk that is removed, the more milk the boobaloobs will make. The first 6 weeks are crucial for establishing mum’s supply. So babies will want the breast a lot too- day and night. This is normal and important normal newborn behaviour, but is often seen as ‘a problem’ in a society where more babies are fed with artificial milk and follow a different pattern.
There is also the risk that the baby may get used to the easier, different suck at a bottle and struggle to feed at the breast again, or even downright refuse it.
But there ARE ways to help, you just need to think beyond the obvious…
– Bring her food. Lots of food.

Hold baby while she eats WITH BOTH HANDS 😂 I remember one day after Jimnastic was born, my mother in law sent me up to bed for a nap. I got a couple of hours sleep and woke to find she had cooked us dinner (pork chops- I remember it that clearly!) That was the best thing ever. Nearly as good as the post-birth hospital tea & toast!!
– Let her nap.
– Or have a shower.
– Do some housework.
– If she has older children, take them for a few hours (personal fave 😜)
– Let her cry without making her feel you’re secretly dialling the men in white coats.
– Pay for her to see a breastfeeding expert- we have a couple of excellent private IBCLC’s in NI (I’ll link at the end). A friend had a session bought for her as a new baby gift by a fab friend who knew she had struggled first time and really wanted breastfeeding to work second time around. A thoughtful gift, and one that keeps on giving- this mum is still breastfeeding at 3 months.
– Or, if you are a mother or sister who lives too far away to give much hands on help, arrange for a cleaner to come in maybe? Or get a voucher for healthy food delivery service? Meh, doesn’t even need to be healthy- a Dominoes voucher would be pretty fecking awesome.
Beyond the ‘do’s’ there are a lot of ‘don’t’s’:
– Don’t fixate on sleep- either mum’s or the baby’s! I think it’s a standard conversation piece with a mum with a new baby, but don’t ask if they are sleeping through- a baby isn’t designed to sleep through and a breastfed baby will wake frequently to feed. Mum will not need reminded! Suggesting a bottle won’t help- instead we should suggest ways to help her manage such as letting her nap, etc- that is, if she needs it! Not all mums will find night feeds a problem!
– Don’t make her feel like she needs to factor in feeding when leaving the house. Chances are she is feeling anxious about ‘feeding in public’. Just make it the non-issue that it is 🙂
– Never suggest ‘sure just pump some milk to give in a bottle’. Anyone who suggests this cannot have ever tried to express milk, in my opinion. It is a gargantuan pain in the arse and at least doubles her workload. When I hear/ read people suggest this to a breastfeeding mum I mentally roundhouse them in the face.

– Don’t ask her when she is planning on stopping. None of your business.
– Don’t ever utter the phrase ‘the baby is just using you as a dummy.’ This gives me The Rage. NO, PEOPLE!! The dummy was invented to replicate what the baby does at the breast. So actually, a baby sucking a dummy is just using it as a substitute breast for comfort. Which brings me to…
– Do not belittle a baby’s need for comfort feeding, or the mother for being responsive to her baby’s need. Just bring her a cuppa & a bun while she sits & feeds the baby and keep your trap shut. ‘You’re making a rod for your own back!’ Aye, a rod I’ll beat you with.
– Don’t put pressure on mum to separate herself from her baby. She may not feel like she wants to leave baby and, when you factor in worrying about if baby will get hungry, or take the expressed milk, it can turn whatever nice gesture you have planned into a source of anxiety. Respect her need to be with her baby. Put the mad night out on ice and instead go for a nice dinner, or find a spa you can make it to between feeds (or where someone could look after baby while mummy gets pampered). Like I say, it’s about challenging ‘the norm’ 🙂 A mum recently sent me a pic of her & her hubby at the cinema to see a film she really wanted to see- with baby along for the ride 🙂 That gave me the warm ‘n’ fuzzies.
– Don’t tell her daddy needs to feed baby so they can bond. My long-suffering husband, who rarely engages with all my crazy parenting stuff, surprised me one evening by going off on a rant about this. Eloquently declaring it ‘bullsh*t’, insightfully following on with how it is just another obstacle created to prevent women Breastfeeding. (He listens!! HE LISTENS!!!! Who’da thunk it??!!) Daddies have wonderfully snuggly, relaxing chests for babies to snooze on. Baby carriers are fab (is there a man alive who does not increase his hotness roughly about 500% when wearing his baby?! 😍) Here, McDadface has always been great with bathtimes, and with babies 1 & 2 helped with nocturnal nappy duties. Bringing me food without me asking was also appreciated (bonus points for having it cut up so I could eat it one handed!)

I’m sure there are more! But I have been working on this blog for about a fortnight now. Fecking Easter fecking holidays with chocolate fuelled fecking children…

I hope I have made the point I was trying to convey- that the things you say and do around a new, Breastfeeding mummy can have a huge impact. With a wee tweak to our notions of normal, we can make this a positive impact, rather than a negative.
So, to steal the catchphrase of a great breastfeeding advocate, The Milk Meg:
Keep on boobin’! (•)(•)

The two IBCLC’s in private practice in NI are:

Carol Smyth:
https://www.facebook.com/mammae.carolsmyth/
http://www.carolsmyth.co.uk/

Rebecca Scott-Pillai
https://www.facebook.com/RebeccaScottPillaiIBCLC/
http://www.bumpsbirthbonding.co.uk/classes/

there are other IBCLC’s employed by the various Trusts and you can access them by contacting the Infant Feeding Coordinator in the hospital.